Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
