been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
