the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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