Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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