and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I looked at my own cervix.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
