3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Semen is not good for contacts.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
