I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
