I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just want nice things and good sex
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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