you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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