You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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