Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
