Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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