mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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