Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
