Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
