clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
