I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
