I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
