so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
