he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
