He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
