My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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