i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
