i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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