tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
