Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
