winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I got inside last night via doggy door
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
