I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
