Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
