Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
