I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
