he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
