Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
