apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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