I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
