good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
