I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He shit in the fireplace
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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