I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
