Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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