the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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