oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
