you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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