So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
