u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
