My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
