I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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