he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
