I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
