haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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