Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
