i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
