I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
